CARChismis

#CARChismis672 *01 If I only had * days to love you, I would. I'd love you from the bottom of my heart, I'd never want to leave even if I was forced to let go by that inevitable *th evening. I'd spend * sleepless nights just to be with you and to love you properly how you should be loved and spend the next 2 months sleeping in because I have no reason to be awake. I'd try and defy fate and make it last longer since less than a week isn't enough for me to love you properly, to treat you how you deserve to be treated by everyone who sees you. I'd spend those 1** hours trying to be the best person for you, even if I'm nothing like that to other people. I'd spend those 8,**0 minutes loving you to my fullest and best power to the point that when it all ends, my heart is left empty with no more love left to give. * days is so short, I'd probably either deny it ever happened or feel like that *h day never happened and we never ended, the only difference is that you're much farther away than before even if the distance never changed. For the first part, I felt like the former, denying that it hurt me that much and denying that I was so stupid to give all my love to one person I knew I couldn't have forever. As the days past and you were fading away, I felt like the latter, reminding myself that love makes you do crazy things and my feelings running me over at 100 kilometers per hour. Why did I compare my feelings for you coming back to vehicular manslaughter? Since it all happened so suddenly and it hurt so bad because I know I couldn't even contact you and say a simple "sorry" or one last "I love you" to the one that taught me love isn't sacrifice, it's understanding. You know how much I loved music, how I'd always wear my headphones everywhere blasting whatever my mood told me to into my eardrums until they would ring when I took them off. Once that sixth day passed by, too fast for me to slip in a "goodbye" or even an "in another universe?" I started listening to sad songs more often, the ones people get bullied for and get called emo for. That artist we both loved and bonded over, I think I have a bigger obsession with him than you do now, but he was there when you left and the worst part is whenever I hear him my mind keeps coming back to you no matter what I do. I wasn't a Conehead before, I barely even knew Heather, but once fate took you away and out of my life I finally understood all the lyrics, every word that he sang on those songs. Somehow once I discovered the album he released even before the * days of absolute torture and ecstacy even started, I felt like someone cared and understood me, something you did before the universe said that time is up. My absolute favorite line "'cause I swore hands were made for fighting, I swore eyes were made to cry, but you're the first person that I've seen who's proven that might be a lie," feels like it was made for you since the reason I fell in love is because you cared and apologized even when it wasn't your fault and when nobody cared to, so when you left I just clung to my music like it felt something. If I had the choice to love you for eternity and forever beyond that, I wouldn't second-guess myself, I'd immedietly say yes, no other questions. You're the first person in a while to make me feel real, true, and undying love, one that doesn't escape my heart even 2 months after that cursed *th night. I've tried to love others but my heart can't accept that we're over, maybe it did, but perhaps it's clinging to the feeling that you don't hate me and that there's a small chance you didn't want it to end either, even if it's microscopic. I'd take every chance, every risk, every decision that may or may not cost me my entire existence just to know that you feel the same, that I'm not insane for trying to hold on to something that died long ago and something that's blood ran cold before I could even realize it was alive. If I could turn those * days into * lifetimes, I'd do anything just to make that true even if I die since I'd still have the next five lifetimes to love you like I wanted to, like I fantasized about doing when there was no one to talk to, no one to love except for one person who drained my heart of all my love, and I don't blame you for it, I blame myself. We were both new to love, real love that was reciprocated, so it hurt when fate decided to end it before even a week had past. The last "relationship" I had was in first grade while you never even dated anyone ever, so it's easy to understand that we both didn't know what we should do or what we were doing. All I knew at that point was that I won't let it slip through my fingers and run away before I can even react to anything. All I knew was that I loved you so much that I was willing to die for you, and I still am willing to do that even if you won't. I always loved with all my heart, soul, body, and mind, I would place those I love at first priority and I would make sure they got everything that they wanted even if I got nothing at all. That's how I loved, that's how I thought everyone loved, full of sacrifice and loving others so much that you forget that you're a human and need to be loved, too. Was that just me or is that a common misconception between many people? Please don't tell me I'm alone in thinking that love hurts and that if you love someone you shouldn't neglect them in any way, shape, or form. Yes, you never know when someone is going to leave, when fate is going to say, "you've had your fun, thank you for enjoying the show but it's time for goodbyes," even at the most unexpected minute or second, but you should never make that an excuse to say, "It's all going to end anyway, so why should I even care?" You should always care if you love them, there should be zero excuses to neglect someone if you truly love them. If you hurt them but you say you have a "reason" to, is that even love anymore? I think I'm right on that one, even if I was wrong about the entire sacrifice and forgetting yourself part that the world taught me ever since I was just a child, and I still am one. There should be no excuses to stop loving someone if you truly did love them, and I think my heart knew that even before my brain did since it was gripping onto the hope that you didn't want it to end either, since I loved you sincerely to the point that even fate wasn't an excuse to let you go. Thank you for teaching me love, even if it was really bad since we are just kids. I don't know how to say this but you showed me that love is a fire, not because it hurts to touch it, but because it takes a lot to put it out. Thank you for teaching me things school never would, that love is kind, caring, and patient. Thank you for being there, ranting, understanding, listening, and being open because now I know what real camaraderie and love feel like. Even if you probably hate me since I was, and still am, a bad person, I love you. Until my final breath, until the last time I blink and all I see is a red sky, until all heaven, earth, sky, and sea are gone, I will and always will love you. Even if you don't reciprocate it, even if you don't care about me at all, you will be on my mind 24/7 and I will be forever stuck in **/**. No matter how long nights are without your warmth through my phone screen as we text for hours and hours, no matter how empty it will be in my heart without you fully in it. -🫧

#CARChismis671 31 If you really consider me as just a friend, then stop ignoring me and let'go back to the old fs rs. - I just want our late night chats/calls back :<

#CARChismis670 31' Backreading sucks "Your eyes are beautiful" THAT'S IT IM CARVING OUT MY EYES- -🌊

#CARChismis669 31 Academic rivals to lovers ang dating 🔥🔥🔥 -?

#CARChismis668 31' Yearner talaga si Ivanov HAHAHAHAHA -Xyrias vonavi🔥

#CARChismis667 '31 Yeah no I'm not '31 -spatataw

#CARChismis666 31' + 201 TW do yall get those parents like you trying to live up to their expectations and yet they see nothing from you? like i get you're trying to get the better version of me but the way you do it is nothing from what other parents do, you don't have to judge me for everything i do yknow like can't i js live? im sorry im not Elon Musk im js trying to live every single day happy and proud but yall js ruin it with your egoistic arrogant thinking and it's maybe why im distancing myself from you? like im closer with my friends and teachers because atleast they know how to make me smile the campus feels more like home than actual home because at campus i feel like i have nothing to worry about because i have friends who know how to make me laugh, give me advice, and who truly care about me but at actual home? i get siblings who talk bad about me, parents who judge me for everything, and people who really don't care about me and yet all you care about is your reputation? isn't that frustrating? -🙃

#CARChismis665 31 I hope you knew how much I loved you but I moved on now I'm always here supporting you for anything and I hope we can be close again -📒

#CARChismis664 31 Day 26: Pahina - Cup of Joe Explanation: some pages fade, but you're the one i'll always remember -..a

#CARChismis663 31 Your out if -you use c.ai and get freaky on it -Torete