ADNU Freedom Wall
#ADNUFreedomWall41236
Life's been throwing a lot of curve balls lately and I've been extending my stay on the plate for a while now. I once considered Ateneo my home. The place that made me experience all possible hardships and happiness a student may experience. The place where I found myself and what I was capable of. And also the place where I found, who I thought to be, my future wife.
It's crazy that a few months ago I looked forward to the guards welcoming me with smiles on their faces and some even recognizing me because of the motorcycle or the car I drove to and from, multiple times a day. With the love of my life right beside me or at my back. Now, the school just feels like an old house that I once felt excited going home to. What was once my pride and joy, turned to something I never want to set my foot in again.
It's been rough seeing my favorite person enjoying life without me, but what hurts more is the thought that I was the one who was with her when she was at her lows. I was the one who kept choosing her when she was hardest to love. I chose her everyday, and at most times, instead of my own family. I chose our future everyday. Now that she's at her all-time high, she chooses her friends, she chooses to get over what we had. And our relationship was at a point where my conservative family now liked her and looked for her in family events. It was as if everything I worked hard on was all for nothing.
Writing made it a tiny bit easier to handle... but grief really does come in waves. Even if I'm real happy the whole day. Even if I'm with friends and family. The moment I get back to being alone with my thoughts, I'm back to the plate, back to receiving curve balls. Back to sleepless nights and dreams that I hope I never wake up from. I had a lot of distractions and habit changes, as per the advice from a lot of people, but it's not cutting it. I still feel a gaping hole inside of me. Still hoping that this was all a dream.
I hope this type of love doesn't find anyone. It is one hell of a broken rollercoaster. And although I invested my all to fix what could have been fixed, you can't fix "something" that doesn't want to be fixed.